It’s Fünf for the whole Familie! More shark, crocodile AND bear attacks, self surgery, decapitations, Chinese internet addiction boot camps, art made of pee and poo, armadillo leprosy. All this plus witch’s nipples!

Music: “The Preacher and the Bear” – Phil Harris

Links: Museum of Bad Art



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Showing 20 comments
  • Keeffer

    my favorite decapitation story (i should put this in decapitations maybe, but that was awhile ago.)

    i feel bad for the neighbor who found the body, and i’m glad it’s the police who found the head and not a random walking down the street.

  • banks!


    I *SAW* the alligator getting flushed. It really happened. As kids we heard about the idea of flushing alligators/fish down the toilet, which inspired my friend. For the record, I opposed the action. I had to or risk angering my crocodile god!


  • Derek

    How to catch a croc? Get a very long cage, put meat at the far end (inside, doofus), have a trapdoor at the other end, put it in croc-infested mangroves. Croc goes in after the meat, then stays when the trapdoor closes behind him.

    That’s how they do it up in the Northern Territory (Australia) anyway, and I can’t imagine it’s much different elsewhere.

    I guess you could always set a hungry python onto them and just follow it around until it tries to eat one. Just a thought. 🙂

  • Derek

    BTW, what was the outro music? It seemed very familiar (not to mention awesome – 80s synth, bring it on!).

    • Toren

      A free CS pin to anyone who can guess it.

      • banks!

        Buckaroo Bonzai closing credits.

        • She Fights Like A Girl

          I’m pretty sure BANKS! should be disqualified from such things.

          • Toren

            Plus he already has a CS pin. Now he’s just greedy!

          • banks!

            I’m just showing off. Give it to ‘She Fights Like A Girl’ for recognising my greatness!

        • spookyparadigm

          I was listening to the podcast I was walking home from work on Wednesday, and just as I got to my street, boom, best ending ever.

        • X


        • Derek

          Wow, I think I saw that when I was five! Amazing what crap I have rolling around in my head. Great choice!

  • marlo

    OMG, what is that song at the end from? It’s driving me crazy that I can’t remember.

    • Toren

      Banks! was right.

  • She Fights Like A Girl

    I just popped in to ask if there’s anything sweeter than hearing my name in Toren’s mouth?

    Wait, that sounded kinda… actually, it sounded just like it should have.

  • spookyparadigm

    Three things

    1.) I’m glad you handled the Moscow bear massacre the way you did. I was so horrified when I read about that, that once it became clear you were going to cover it, I saw some real room for awkwardness.

    2.) As I may have mentioned before under either this or my real name on fb, I’ve eaten armadillo, when I was in El Salvador. It either tasted like chicken but had the texture of pork, or vice-versa, I can’t really remember which, but it was different (vs. frog leg, which just sucked). And yes, I was paranoid about leprosy but went ahead and ate it anyway.

    3.) I don’t have the source (Sherman 1979, Forced Labor in Central America, or something to that effect) on me, but the branding of 16th century slaves on the face was done on the cheek, I believe. So it would kind of feel like watching the Jonah Hex movie, I mean, be like Jonah Hex (to be fair, Jonah Hex, the movie was just dull, not awful).

    • Newly Human

      I’m in Finland and have to say I have I have ever heard of the thing about having dead people at the table and joking about them. We don’t even do open caskets, too morbid. Could it be Iceland? If there is weirdness about then Iceland is usually the culprit.
      Or something seen in a movie? Like some “Weekend at Bernie’s” clone?

  • Kabur Naj

    I have a bit of trivia which might hit close to home regarding the shock artist Andres Serrano. If you own the Metallica album “Load” take it down off your shelf and gaze at the abstract cover art for a bit while asking yourself what it might be. It is actually one of Serrano’s photographs, titled “Semen and Blood III”. The semen was Serrano’s (just to add that personal touch, I guess) but the blood was from a cow because he apparently wasn’t quite *that* committed to his art.

    Also, just for Kevin, here’s a song which is actually called “Killing Time”:

  • curtis

    speaking of nipples, i don’t recall if you mentioned it when you were originally talking about such things, but celebrity/actor/rapper/underwear model Mark Whalberg has a superfluous nipple slightly below his left pectoral muscle.

    the more you know.

  • Samuli of Doom

    Another Finn here. It saddens me greatly to report to you that we do not dine with our dead while making fun of them not eating their food. Sounds kind of fun, though. Pity.